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Editor’s Note: In lieu of our regular letter from the editor, I chose to reprint an article previously published in the most recent issue of Coastal Woman Magazine. As I read this article I was struck by how true it is; about how we have to allow our children to learn and grow in many ways, and that even at 9-years old, there are some really big adult-type lessons that can be learned. This article states what is a grounded truth:   What we look like isn’t nearly as important as who we choose to be! Life and relationship isn’t about what people look like, the color of their skin or the color of their hair. It is about their soul, their inner self, and if all of human kind would get this, just think about how different our world would be.

My thanks to the author Shannon M. Dean and the publisher and editor of Coastal Woman Magazine, Barbara Lanz-Mateo, for allowing us to share this phenomenal article with you!

Clay S. Nelson

Cupid’s Light Saber of Love

Written By
Shannon M. Dean

My 9-year-old son has always been partial to blonds. I suppose his attraction to those who look mostly like him should hurt my brunette feelings. But I’ve grown used to it. Since preschool, he’s been quite open about those girls he finds pretty and those he finds nice. The two never overlap. He seems to prefer the aloof, high-maintenance types who won’t wrinkle their clothes at recess. Those girls who willingly yield a pretend light saber and play Star Wars with him are apparently not challenging enough for anything more than camaraderie.

So it was hardly a surprise when his current crush announced with complete seriousness during a class photo: “My mother said my face is made for a camera,” and pushed her way to the very front and center. Her teacher laughed and replied that daily primping must pay off in terms of photography. The truth is the object of my son’s affection is undeniably stunning and blessed with a face that invites admiring stares. She’s also incredibly fond of pointing out my son’s shortcomings to the entire class. He actually seems to enjoy this and it only makes him like her more.

Considerate behavior does not seem to be a requirement for admittance into my son’s heart. Blond hair and big blue eyes are the mere price of admission. He could seemingly care less about kindness, dependability, empathy or intelligence. I’ve decided not to constantly lecture about or continuously define desirable attributes, hoping that his behavior is completely normal and age appropriate.

I am banking on his evaluations changing over time. Even into my mid-20s, I considered a swagger, a souped-up car and a bad attitude challenging and alluring. In fact, when I met my husband, I almost passed because I thought he was too nice. Easy conversation and compatibility were not something I valued then. The relationship felt too easy, at times more like dealing with an old friend with whom I had to make very little effort. I’m not sure if I ever made a conscious decision to change my type. Instead, over time, I learned that I very much liked being treated with respect and that contentment was actually every bit as exciting as angst.

When I was chasing unattainable, irresponsible types, my grandmother used to click her tongue and scold: “Excitement and looks fade. True compatibility is forever and when you’re challenged, you’ll wish you chose someone who you’d also choose as a friend.” I used to roll my eyes and sigh deeply, thinking I was immune to these rules, but now that I am a parent and a wife of 10 years, I now know this is absolutely, undeniably true. The bad boys I used to think I could not live without would certainly not make the best role models to my two impressionable little boys or lovingly rock and cuddle a sick child for hours as my husband has done many times.

I’ve learned there is absolutely nothing more appealing than a partner willing to change a diaper or cook a meal. There’s a slightly overweight, minivan-driving father in my neighborhood who’s considered extremely dreamy by us moms because he always volunteers to dress as a clown at birthday parties and to happily make a fool of himself to make kids laugh. Likewise, the sight of my husband pulling his station wagon into the garage in time for our family dinner makes my heart swell. The sound of him singing to my little one over the baby monitor brings true happiness to my heart. My grandmother adores him, of course, and is very happy I came to my senses.

When I think of these things, I really want to tell my little Romeo that maybe he shouldn’t turn a blind eye to girls with whom friendship comes effortlessly. Any girl willing to pretend she’s defending the galaxy with him is perhaps worth a second look. I want to tell him that I hope he will accept no one less than a partner who brings out the best in him and appreciates his goofy sense of humor and his generous heart. I want him to realize that when children have colic and the roof is leaking, a partner who was chosen solely on physical attributes may not fare as well as someone who has shown them selves to be patient, kind, supportive and loving. But, I hold back because I am hoping that when it really counts, my son will choose well since he has spent years watching parents who are great friends support one another through good times and bad. My husband is a handsome man, but if he were disfigured in a car crash tomorrow, I would still love him every bit as I do today. He is my closest friend, my biggest support system and the only other person in the world who loves my children as I do.

I hope those same children one day know that a person’s heart and kind spirit are every bit as important as the face and body that houses them, and can be every bit as beautiful.

Original Publication Date Summer 2007
Reprinted with permission of Coastal Woman Magazine

Humor Isn’t Just for Weekends

We’ve all had those times when we laughed so hard tear rolled down our faces, our faces hurt, and our abdominal muscles ached, and when it is all said and done, we want to laugh even more. Humor is a funny thing – no pun intended! It has the power to brighten an otherwise dreary day and its impact in all aspects of our lives is far reaching. So just imagine the effect it can have at the office.

When people get happy and we send them to work, more gets done in less time and more fun is had at the same time! So, why not make “happy” something we create not just outside of the workplace, but inside it too! When we have fun at work (which humor helps generate), we get more done with less anguish and turmoil and more people actually want to be at work getting their job done quicker (and better) so they can move on to being with their families!

How can you inject more humor in your workplace?

The good news is that you don’t have to be a standup comic. Humor in the workplace comes from our having a light-hearted attitude and having a sense of humor around who we are as human-beings! Have you looked in the mirror lately? We’re hysterical, and we can be very stoic and serious about our humanity or we can have a bounce in our step, laughter in our eyes, get through our day, go home with our families, and enjoy this dance we call life!

Do you want to know what else humor provides? It makes room for more powerful, qualified, and happy people to want to be on your team, meaning the fun and happiness around you increases! Eventually, you have a powerhouse team that not only gets the job done and done well, but they are having fun doing it!

Humor has been known to cure cancer, save children’s lives, and change the attitude of veterans coming home from a war. I think it is safe to say that laughter and humor in the workplace just might make the workplace a fun-filled, over the top productive place to be. Now that is not to say that it takes over work and the business at hand, but a sense of humor comes from human-beings and human-beings work in the workplace. Why not bring the two together?

Human beings were not meant to work-work-work, and long term “all work and no play” has never done anyone any good. So teach your team, your family, and your customers how to get a sense of humor. Then allow yourself to be held accountable for laughing at the world, laughing at yourself for some of the goofy things you do, and for not taking anything serious, except for your mother! Your world will be a much brighter and happier place to be and the work you do will benefit greatly too!

Supervisory Skills… Does Sally have what it takes?

Part 1

Going from doing the work to supervising the work is not a leap to be made by the faint of heart, and adjusting to a new job title isn’t the only challenge they face. Therefore, when you are considering promoting an employee to a supervisor, you have to be really sure they are cut out for the job.

Let’s be clear, being a good worker is not enough when it comes to being a good and qualified supervisor! The qualities that you should look for when considering someone for a supervisory roll go much deeper and they all revolve around their ability to communicate:

1. You want people who are effective listeners – they really hear what people say, instead of listening and then reacting based upon what they want to hear!
2. They know how to observe without getting involved.
3. They know what it means to teach and not just communicate a demand.
4. They get the importance of accountability.
5. They have an innate ability to relate to people
6. They are good at motivating their team members.

Thankfully, assessing these qualities/abilities in people, before placing them in a supervisory role, is usually pretty easy to do. All you have to do is be a good observer yourself. Most people who are able to perform in a supervisory roll display the qualities listed above in their every day personal/work life, before they are employed in the title roll.

Generally speaking, an employee is either supervisor material or not. If they are supervisor material, you will see them creating leadership roles simply by who they are around the water cooler, in the lunchroom, and in getting things done. In essence, they point themselves out!

Watch next month’s newsletter as we continue this article and address how to prepare an employee for a supervisory role and how to support and empower these growing leaders!

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