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Letter From The Editor

How many times have you avoided walking a certain way to your office because you wanted to avoid someone? How many times have you avoided having a particular conversation because you simply did not want to deal with a circumstance or issue? We’ve all done it, but avoidance in most cases is nothing more than a quick fix. It is a band-aid that eventually comes loose, because if a problem, issue, or circumstance is so big that you are running away from it… chances are it isn’t going to go away until you meet it head on!

So if you are hiding under a rock somewhere avoiding a conversation, circumstance, etc. – What’s got you? Fear

And given that fear lives in our heads, choosing to take life head on, instead of avoiding those things that distress us, is about changing who we choose to be, how we react, and how we choose to behave in the face of any number of circumstances! How can you avoid avoidance?

1. Being and staying clear! This will help you to be present to what you are feeling and why you are fearful &/or wanting to avoid something or someone.
2. Be committed to full and complete communication everywhere, all of the time! Ask permission to speak straight, call a family meeting, or just say, “Honey can we talk for a minute?” Honestly communicate what you feel and don’t make others wrong! If we could just get that our communications aren’t about making people wrong, but instead about fully and completely communicating how we feel or where we’ve been left, our world would be a much different place!!
3. Be committed to getting what you say you want and by-when you say you want it. If you aren’t committed to having your life be the way you want it, you will allow your “avoidance” of certain people or circumstances to dictate the direction of your life and the happiness in your day.

Think about your life. On the grand scale of time, our lives are very short, and if we allow ourselves to crawl under a rock or to avoid others or an uncomfortable situation, what might we miss out on? If we soldier on with a chip on our shoulder or fear in our step, what do we loose? If we make others wrong consistently for how we feel – without communicating how we feel, what relationships are we giving up on?

As we live our lives, it is important to remember that every second that goes by is a second we can’t get back. Meaning:

• The more time we spend avoiding someone who has done us wrong…
• The more time we spend avoiding an upset…
• The more time we choose to do anything less than fully and completely communicate…
• The more time we are wasting!

And I don’t know about you, but I don’t have any time to waste!!

Warm Regards,

Clay S. Nelson

Stop the Gossip!

Gossip! We hear it all around us, and we’ve all done it ourselves! Gossip, you know, can be lots of fun. Without it, most conversations would seem strained and dull. What would the beauty salon, the golf course, or coffee shop be like without gossip? And what about parties? There’s so much gossiping at parties that some people go to parties just to keep other people from gossiping about them!

Unless you stop to think about it, gossip seems harmless. But it isn’t. You may not remember all the times you have spread or initiated gossip, but I guarantee you that you remember when you have been the subject of gossip. It hurt you, didn’t it?

Gossip is damaging and dangerous. Ever wonder why we refer to gossip as “the lowdown” or “the dirt?” Gossip is really a verbal assault—it’s a cruel and destructive attack that can shatter people’s lives and careers. It’s anything negative you communicate about someone to someone else—whether the information is true or false. And, it’s just as important for you to realize gossip is also anything you say to another about which you have no power to resolve, and this includes even positive or true information!

So why do we gossip? We gossip when we are being small and not being leaders. To share “secret” information makes some people feel important. For others, gossip makes the day more interesting and intriguing. For some, spreading negative or critical statements about someone makes them feel better about their own shortcomings. For others, it’s just plain fun!

And complaining… well, you know how we all complain from time to time…complaining is just another form of gossip, and one that spreads quickly. You know how it goes—one of your employees has a disagreement with another and then goes to a third to complain about it. Soon the entire team knows the information!

Gossip is a damaging waste of time and energy. When just two people gossip, they aren’t getting anything done at work, and if the gossip is a complaint, nothing gets resolved. Gossip can quickly shut down the production of an entire office! Next time you hear gossip, think about it. If someone in your office jumped off a cliff, would you follow? Then why follow the destructive path of gossiping?

Once gossip starts, it can spread like fire. When I was a child, I said something cruel about a friend of mine in front of my grandma. My grandma told me that once one speaks unkind words, they cannot be taken back and the damage is done. She said to imagine breaking a feather pillow apart outside on a windy day. Each feather is an unkind word you have said about someone. Try, just try, she said, to find all the feathers and retrieve each one of them. It’s impossible. So, you have to wonder…how many feathers are flying around out there that have come from your mouth?

What can you do about gossip? Pay attention. Notice how often your talk drifts toward discussions of other people. Notice how often you willingly listen to gossip. If you listen, you are contributing to the gossip problem. There is no gossip without ears to receive it! When someone gossips, walk away, change the subject, or kindly tell them why you don’t want to hear what they are saying.

Your ears and mouth are not the only problem areas to be present to. Check who you are being in the midst of gossip. A well-timed roll of the eyes or a smirk in response to information you hear can be just as damaging as spoken words.

Finally, apologize to victims of your gossiping. Everyone slips up and makes mistakes. Take ownership of yours. Ask yourself—who do you need to ask for forgiveness from today? Make right whatever may have been made wrong and enjoy the new found time and freedom you have because gossip is no longer a part of your day!

Taking On Leadership

Hello! Wake up! It’s time for you to take on LEADERSHIP! Right now, it’s time… time for you to stop waiting for someone else to do something, fix something, say something, or change something! As Andy Warhol said, “They say that time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.”

So let’s get after it. The world has waited for you long enough. No more hiding, holding yourself back with negative self-talk, polishing your timeworn excuses—let’s go!

“ But I don’t know how”, you say… Don’t let that stop you. Leadership is not about knowing “how”. Leadership is about BEING:

• A creative visionary
• Passionate
• A teacher
• The question, not the answer
• A Master of Change
• Unstoppable
• An effective communicator

And Leaders have a TEAM and a written BUSINESS PLAN that they actually USE!

Take a look at what leadership is all about:

Being the Visionary: Your job as a leader is to ask, “What is our company’s purpose? What does it look like now? How do we want it to show up in the future, and what would the future look like if we achieve our vision?”

Being Passionate: Does your vision light you up? Does it light up your staff? Great passion yields great results. Passion is the fuel that drives your vision. It’s the F-U-N in life! If you aren't in love with what you do, then why are you doing it? Who do you expect to follow you on a path you don't even like?

Being a Teacher: For you to have the time and energy necessary to be the visionary, you must teach others so they can do the tasks necessary to achieve the vision. Leaders are teachers, all the time and everywhere. Leaders show up, and they show up on time, being who they want their team to be. All your actions are continuously teaching some message to those around you. What are you teaching them?

Being the Question, Not the Answer: Effective teaching means being the question, not the answer. When your staff approaches you with a question, you have a teaching opportunity. Don’t lose it! Ask them, “What actions would you take if I weren’t here?“

Being a Master of Change: Leaders never wait for ideal conditions. Conditions are rarely “just right” and are always changing. Leadership is about moving forward, no matter what changes in circumstances you face along the way.

Being Unstoppable: Being unstoppable means giving up having to know the “how” about everything. And, it is all about keeping your passion alive and being driven to accomplish whatever your goals are, even in the face of fear, not knowing how, and life's circumstances. Unstoppable is taking actions consistent with your heart-felt desires, your commitment to your commitments, and being present to giving up "how?" It is where freedom, aliveness, security, creativity, and fun dwell and if you can "be unstoppable" there, you can have anything you say you want without knowing how you are going to get it!

Being an Effective Communicator: Leaders use straight talk—open and honest communication with the permission of those you are communicating with to do so. First, ask your team members for permission to shoot straight, which sets up their listening and gets them present to what you have to communicate. Communication is a two-way street, so as a leader, you must give your team permission to do the same. Be your word—say what you are going to do, and do it.

Having a Team and a Written Business Plan: A team makes it all happen. Find some people who love to win and hate to lose. There is an old Ethiopian proverb that describes the power of a team, “When spider webs unite, they can tie up a lion.” Wow! Let’s get busy making a team like that!

With a written business plan in place, your team will know the game plan and be ready to do what needs to be done. Leaders hold their teams accountable for doing what they say they will do, and by when they say they will do it. Then they stay out of the team’s way so the vision can be achieved!

Leaders, their teams, and their businesses can have it all. What are you waiting for? It’s your time, right now. Let’s get going!

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