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Letter From The Editor

Whether we like it or not, we are all dealing with a great deal of change! Gas prices are at record highs. The mortgage industry is imploding and affecting the entire economy. Each of us are getting older by the second, and all of the change being thrown at us, big and small, is like being on the receiving end of a curve ball when you are expecting a completely different pitch.

Change is difficult to dance with because even if we aren’t thrilled with the expected result, we like to think that we know how something is going to turn out. We like to think that we know how someone is going to act, and the truth is we cannot possibly know any of it!

Change is a normal part of life. It is what keeps life interesting, our hearts pounding, and our minds creating. Change can turn an ordinary day into an extraordinary day. It can also unexpectedly turn our plans upside down, which is why so many fear change. Yet, living with change, which we all have to do by the way, and successfully dealing with whatever comes our way, is about how we dance with the changes of life. Successfully managing change is about how we choose to react and behave in the face of the good, the bad, and sometimes even the ugly… it is about who we choose to be.

So before you simply react to the changes you face, take a few moments to stop and think. Give up your preconceived notions about whatever is in front of you. Take on change with a fresh perspective, have a plan, and be unstoppable in having the life you say you want to have!

Remember: You have a choice in life. You can either choose to complain or create. What do you choose? The power of choice is yours!

Best Regards,

Clay S. Nelson

Taking the Sting out of the Word No

It’s amazing that so many of us are challenged about saying the word “No”— a simple, short word—one of the first words your kids learn to say (right after “Ma-Ma” and “Da-Da”!).

In fact, most of us had no trouble saying “No” as babies and toddlers. It was expected of us then. It was even considered cute at times! But, one day, in early childhood, everything changed. We grew and became… Parent-Pleasers! (Some adults still are!) And then we became People-Pleasers!!!

We stopped using “No” and began to say all sorts of “nice” things that wouldn’t upset anyone. We stopped saying “No” to authority figures. We began to take “No” too seriously and to do almost anything to avoid having to say it.

Take a look. If you repeatedly find yourself agreeing to requests and feeling unhappy about it, you might want to look at some reasons why you say, “Yes” when you mean “No”. Do you fear the loss of, or damage to, the relationship? Do you treat your relationships as if they are fragile and dependent on your constant compliance?

You may feel guilty about saying "No" because you were raised to go out of your way to avoid hurting people’s feelings. Do you feel responsible for the other person’s feelings? You know, that takes away their right to be responsible for their own feelings!

Do you feel bad, selfish, and self-centered if you refuse someone? Were you taught to be self-sacrificing? It never works for you to not take care of yourself and to only take care of others.

Are you saying “Yes” in response to flattery? Do you feel important and fear you may never be asked again if you say “No” this time?

Basically, saying “Yes” when you mean “No” causes you to feel resentment. The stress of not being authentic and clear costs you physically and zaps your energy and well-being.

Saying “No” doesn’t have to be a dramatic event!

Here are some ideas to assist you in taking the drama away from the word “No”:

• When someone makes a request, ask for some time to think it over. Use that time to remind yourself of your commitment to being clear in your communications. Take a look at the underlying fears or expectations of the past that could have you say “Yes” when you mean “No”. Your fears of some catastrophic result are most likely unfounded!
• If you mean “No”, be a “No”. This means your voice and your body language should be consistent with your decision. Make eye contact, and be confident. Say “No” and don’t follow up with a string of weak-sounding excuses or rationalizations.
• And don’t say “No” with anger, hostility or aggression. This is the “You’ve got to be kidding! I’m not going to do that”, type of “No.” Sometimes people use this “No” to attack the person who made the request, by saying, “Are you crazy?” Disarming the questioner makes you feel safer!
• Simply say, “No, I won’t be able to help with that. I have another commitment on Tuesday morning.” In a friendship, you may want to use a more empathetic response to ease the rejection of the request. “No, Tom. I know it’s difficult to manage this on your own, but I already have plans for that day.”
• Be ready for the person who persists, like a broken record, in not listening to your first “No”. You should not give in or get angry. Try this: “You seem to be invested in getting me to agree, but I’ve said “No” and I really mean it.

Practice Saying “No”

There are many opportunities to practice saying, “No”. Say “No” to:

• Telemarketers
• Door-to-Door salespeople
• Charitable requests from organizations you really don’t want to support
• Phone answerers who ask if you mind if they put you on hold (actually, the answer there is “Yes” but you get the idea… you are saying “No” to being put off.)
• The person who asked you out and you don’t want to go.
• Your sister who asks to borrow your new sweater.

Practice Hearing “No”

Much of your difficulty in saying “No” will disappear when you realize that when other people refuse your ideas, projects, requests with a “No”, it isn’t the end of the world, and it isn’t personal. What would it be like to just hear the “Nos” in our life as just that, and not make them mean that we aren’t worthy, appreciated, taken seriously, loved, or valued? What if, when you’re told “No”, you take on being gracious; recognizing the difficulty the speaker may have in saying “No”?

Do this: stand in front of a mirror and say “No” to yourself for 5 minutes. Set the timer and don’t cheat! You will be amazed at how your relationship to the word “No” will change! Check it out!

Managing Summertime Distractions

We are approaching the time of year when the resources of our businesses are often stretched thin. Soon children will be out of school, families will be leaving on extended vacations, and relatives are going to arrive on our doorsteps for a visit. These distractions take their toll on our businesses and teams!

While some may view these distractions as part of the summer time ebb and flow, there are things that you can do to make sure you, your team, and your business survives this season of distractions. The key is ORGANIZATION!!!

1. Be prepared. Plan for a shortage in man power. Be clear about when your team members are going to be away, and plan accordingly.
2. Get commitments from your team members regarding their plan for making sure their responsibilities are managed while they are away.
3. Hold your team accountable! You can’t assume anything. Remember: The time leading up to a vacation is a distraction in and of itself… there is packing to do, lawns to mow, pets to get to the kennel. Hold your team accountable by following up with them to make sure they have a written plan and review the plan with them BEFORE they leave.
4. Communicate! Communicate plans with the entire team, once again BEFORE a team member leaves for his/her vacation. This provides an opportunity for questions to be asked and clarification to be made. Hold a meeting to make sure everyone understands what they are responsible for.

Your team members are ultimately responsible for making sure all bases are covered while they are away. However, your not staying on top of the planning for their absence can result in some unhappy surprises for you, your team, and your customers. And you can’t afford to be surprised! So, be clear with your team with regard to your expectations for organization and communication in the upcoming season of distractions, and enjoy the summer!!

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