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Letter From The Editor

Dear Friends,

We are entering a time of year when those living in snow-bound states are beginning to feel a change in the air. The days are a bit longer; the earliest of spring flowers are beginning to pop through the top soil and birds can be heard happily signaling the start of the transition from winter to spring. It is a change that we all embrace and appreciate. So why don’t we embrace all change in the same way?

Think about change this way. As flowers and shrubs begin their transition from winter to spring many gardeners will clear the winter debris to allow their flowers and shrubs the best environment in which to grow and bloom. Those gardeners who neglect to tend their flower bed can expect their flowers to still grow, but the end result is often much less appealing and can even be downright unsightly.

So what’s my point? Change is going to happen no matter what we do. It’s what we do with the change that matters. The gardener who does nothing to cultivate his flower bed has no right to complain about the result he gets! The same applies to each of us in our daily lives. Just like the gardener, we make the choice to embrace change; be in action and adjust to the changes around us, or we don’t. If you choose the latter, however, don’t complain about the mess.

Best Regards,

Clay S. Nelson

Dealing with Disappointment

When I hear somebody sigh, "Life is hard," I am always tempted to ask, "Compared to what?”

                 ~ Sydney Harris

Disappointment is a reality of life. It always has been, and whether we’re talking about a lost job, a child being disappointed because Mom or Dad didn’t make it to the school play, or being disappointed because your team didn’t win the big game, the feelings are all the same. No matter how trivial the reason for the disappointment is, the feelings are real. And we human beings react to disappointment in every imaginable way, but very few of them are productive!

First we have the “pity-partiers”. We all know one. Heck, we’ve all thrown a few pity-parties, and it even feels good for a minute or two. However, when we allow ourselves to languish to long in our own pity, we fall victim to a “life is hard” mentality, and we get so involved in the party that we risk losing out on new opportunities, time with a loved one, or the opportunity to simply learn something new!

Second we have the “life is hard” thinkers on steroids. This goes far beyond the typical pity party. Here we languish in self-doubt, worry, disappointment, fear, and any one of the number of feelings that can come up. It is here that the feeling of despair and a feeling of “I’m going to feel this way forever” can begin to take over, and even the smallest disappointment becomes the catalyst or reason for stopping cold, burying our heads in the sand, and being right about how hard our life is!

Next we have the “finger-pointers.” They make other people wrong – Getting mad… grumbling… complaining (but not to anyone who can make a difference in the circumstance)… and even giving the perceived offender a “piece of their mind!” This is where molehills get turned into mountains and we get madder (or more disappointed) than the circumstance deserves.

Fourth are the “pretenders.” Pretenders act as though nothing is wrong, as if the disappointment they have hasn’t affected them. The problem with this is that the longer one pretends something didn’t happen, the more likely it is to eat at you and eventually you blow up and the person you are so disappointed in is wondering, “Where did that come from!” For example: Did one of your parents ever miss a ball game or event at school and you were very disappointed, but instead of verbalizing that disappointment to your parent you just pretended that it didn’t bother you? Burying feelings will cause you to react in unexpected ways down the road, sometimes even decades later.

Finally, we have the “unstoppables.” The “unstoppables” put their disappointments behind them and choose to move on in the face of whatever comes their way! You see, who we choose to be in the face of our circumstances is just as important as the circumstance itself, because when we deal with our disappointments from a positive, unstoppable mind-set, we can do anything!

So, do you want to know how to put disappointment behind you and move on powerfully?

1. Acknowledge your disappointment. You can’t deal with your emotions/feelings if you bury them. Remember: when you bury the feelings associated with a disappointment, they are just that… buried. Eventually your feelings will find their way to the surface and those molehills will become mountains!
2. Put your disappointment in perspective. A good litmus test is: If someone isn’t bleeding or dying and there is something I can do to make a difference in a disappointing situation (be it for myself or another) then it really can’t be that bad. It may be a disappointment – it may be a set-back – but it is NOT the end of the world!
3. Make a conscience choice to move forward. Choose to be unstoppable. Choose to have what you say you want. Choose to make a difference. Choose to be positive in a negative world. Choose to put one foot in front of the other no matter what gets in your way!

To quote the move character Forest Gump:

My momma always said, "Life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get."

And in many respects that is true, and if we are in touch with our feelings, much of what we are going to get will disappoint us. OK… but so what? Life is about what we do with the stuff that gets thrown at us, not about the “stuff.” Life is a journey. Why not simply enjoy the trip?

Are You Being Your Word?

So, how’s your integrity lately? Do you do what you say you will do and by when you say you will do it? Or have you been letting circumstances or other people keep you from being impeccable with your word?

What you do or don’t do makes a difference. Your choices matter, and if you find that you are out of integrity somewhere in your life, the good news is that it isn’t too late to put it back! How?

First you have to get present to what integrity looks like. Integrity is:

• Being honest with yourself first, and then with everyone else.
• Acting true to your commitments in life.
• Doing what is important to you.
• Choosing who you are being in every moment, rather than letting circumstances dictate how you react.
• Doing what you say you will do and by when you say you will do it.

To live a life of integrity you begin by choosing to be impeccably honest with yourself and others. Next, learn to notice when you are present to stress. When you are present to stress, you are not present to the moment you are living in…you are either caught up in the past or worrying about the future. Integrity includes living in the present moment. Then, take on the key to integrity—consistency—even in the face of stress, pressure to succeed, temptation, laziness, or whatever usually tends to stop you from being consistent with your values and commitments.

Finally, learn to forgive yourself and start again. When you fail to be present, complete, or to act with integrity, recognize it, forgive yourself, clean it up with those your actions have hurt, and move on again, recommitted to living with integrity.

Take a look. Notice that where you haven't been your word in your life, a mess usually develops. On the other hand, there is completeness, wholeness, simplicity, and peace in living as your word, always and everywhere.

In this over-committed world, it isn't easy. It takes work. But it's worth it!

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